Trying to find routine when there is no possible way of having a ‘normal, set’ work week, is hard. I don’t know what to do at times.
There have been days recently when I just want to have a day to myself, just “chill the EFF out”, but I can’t. Least not properly. There is always tasks that needs to be done, either around the house, in town. Whatever. Cleaning, cooking, gardening, and yet if I had more than maybe one day off, I would enjoy being able to do all of that, especially on a lovely, sunny day like today. But not right now, it just seems more of a chore, than anything else.
And the worst thing about it, I procrastinate something terrible. I’ll admit that. Finding something menial to do instead of the real task, least for a while.
I’d love to go back to having just a regular routine, with normal hours where I can go out, meet people, make friends, and at least seem like the social butterfly I portray at work currently. But… trying to find the right job that can allow for that now, is not possible.
I keep looking, and asking, though I try not to get my hopes up too high, least for now. I’d love to get into doing this – writing, for a job. But there is not really anything like that around for the moment.
Well, not sure on what else to say, except that it has been an all-over the place sort of day, and then back to the grindstone tomorrow. Least the work day is a short one, and I get the afternoon to potter around the house and garden.
You ever think of something that would be a laugh if it ACTUALLY happened, and then not long after that, it kind of does? Like you just projected into the ether of the Universe and it comes back to you?
Well, I’m pretty sure I just experienced that today when I had finished work and made a quick trip into town. Let me lay it out.
My thought was that of someone I knew from Auckland to randomly (and I do mean RANDOMLY) be down in Gisborne, knows where I’m working and just comes and says “Hey, what’s up?” or whatever. I literally thought this just a few days ago. Wednesday, I think.
Anywho, I didn’t think much more of it, until I was in town at the local book store – I was checking to see if one of the books I ordered was in, and it was! Anyway, while I was at the counter, I happened to turn around and I had to do a double-take. Someone I went to Uni with, and whose daughter I went to High school with WAS IN THE SHOP!
At first I thought, “Nah! Must just be a look-a-like” or something. So, just to see either way, I said “Why Hello.” (or something to that effect) she looked up and lo-behold it was who I thought it was. We spoke for a bit – about when I moved down, why she was in town, my previous work, etc. And it was so lovely just to see someone I knew prior to moving to Gisborne.
It wasn’t till I was driving home that I thought that maybe, just MAYBE, I had somehow influenced that happening somehow. Could I have sent it out and it came back to me this way? Am I in some way a wee bit PSYCHIC? I doubt it, but a book I am currently reading says that some people may have a bit of a sixth sense, can talk to or even see spirits, so who knows.
On another quick note, I sometimes have had some dreams years ago and then somehow… they happen to me EXACTLY as they did in the dream years before. And when that has happened, I feel like I’m experiencing deja-vu. It’s weird. I even momentarily stop and back-track on what the hell just went down…
But anyway, it sort of made my day seeing someone I had not actually seen in almost a year. I was smiling all the way home after that, and still am as I finish writing this up.
Another long gap, and though a few changes have come about, I just wasn’t feeling the motivation to be able to put them down into writing.
Sadly, I wasn’t finding any motivation to write anything, even with my studies, review blog, or video making. I’ve just been either trying to relax after tasks I set myself, both at work and at home and just hadn’t found anything to write or talk about really.
However, saying this now, I am currently in the process of writing a review of a book I am currently reading, and am finding it a good read so far. I just wish I had a bit more motivation to get back into it properly, both with reviews and study.
Maybe I will see something and just get a sudden burst and words will just pour out like a waterfall. Heres hoping. Anyway, just a short vent today, nothing too big. Just wanted to try and put my thoughts into words I guess.
I’m not quite sure what to actually write about here, as I feel as if some of my more recent posts have been a rant on how I’m still looking for work, or no-one is hiring in the fields that I know about, and so on.
Sad thing is, that is really only the big ‘things’ that I find that would be writable in a sense. And at times, I just get frustrated more so at myself for it. I do want to have work – preferably outside of home, but if there is nothing going that I know I would be able to do… what else can I do?
It just feels like a never ending loop and at times I get in such a downward rut, I honestly don’t want to do anything else except just curl up under the bedsheets and wait for them to just swallow me up.
And then when I think that way, it makes me feel even more upset, and just giving up on everything. I try to feel strong. I try to appear confident. But at times… I just feel like I’m back to that shy, quiet five year old I was when I started school.
Onto something a bit more pleasant now, just to attempt to end this post on a better note than when it started.
Finally, FINALLY got into doing some actual research for my thesis study. It’s funny, to most, it would just seem like I’m trolling sites like Tumblr, but it is all part of the research.
If I hadn’t written about it before, I am studying to gain my Masters in Communication Studies and the area is in Popular Culture. Currently, I am in the process of writing it up, as well as looking for the items to be my analysis on the research.
What I am looking into specifically is on the use of GIF images by a group of fans of a television show. The show: Supernatural.
I am sure to some degree, everyone has heard of the show. But if not, here is a quick rundown – Two brothers driving around the continental US, hunting, fighting, and killing all the things that go bump in the night – the shows most famous quote is “Saving people, hunting things. The family business” which appears to show the signs of true fans of the show.
Ironically, when I first thought of studying this area, I was curious as to if there was a GIF image for everything in the Supernatural fandom. I kept seeing posts saying this on Facebook, Twitter, and even Instagram and I was wondering on if it is true. And so far, I have not been disappointed in what I have found.
Each GIF is relatable to what it has been posted to, and for most, they always seem to get a giggle out of me. Especially now that I have binged on the first nine seasons of the show and will get into season 10 some time tomorrow – thank you NETFLIX!
I would start on it now, but it is nearly half past 10 at night, and it has been a long, long day here. It will be one of the first things that I will be doing tomorrow once I am fully awake, and got the housework that needs doing done.
I think I might end it there for the night, I just needed a place to vent, especially on the first part of this post as it felt like it was slowly digging away at me and I would’ve ended up snapping – or crying to someone for no apparent reason. No worries now though. Least for the rest of the night, anyway.
Already now, it is now just two months away from the New Year, and I am feeling annoyed and frustrated at myself. I had this plan for how I saw myself by this point, but it just has not come to be as of yet.
I had hoped to have been working, even part time a few days a week by now, but still nothing has come up to where I have gotten a yes, we will take you on. Even for a 90 day trial period!
Some days I feel like I could cry into my research books, but then I remember there is other stuff that needs to be getting onto… Is that bad?
Am I doing, or saying something wrong on my applications, or in my interviews when I get them? I don’t know. At times I wish the responses gave some critical feedback on what to possibly say for future reference, instead of the “Sorry… Good luck in your future job hunting..” blah.
However, I am doing other things from home, apart from house-work and studying. Least to keep me sane for a time. I am thinking of making necklaces, possibly custom ones if anyone were to ask for them.
At the moment, I have a few almost ready, just needing a few final touches before I post them online, most likely on my ETSY account. Once I have them too my satisfaction, I will no doubt write about them on here, the steps on how I made them, how they look, and if they are liked by people.
I have seen a few necklaces like these before, and I was rather curious as to how they were made. Once I spotted a few of the items online, I thought that I’d give it a go. And it was rather soothing. Reading, and cross-stitch have normally been my go to for that, but with these necklaces in particular, I was surprised at how calmed I felt when they were all pieced together.
The ideas from my previous post, on doing drawings and getting them printed is still in the process, it just needs a bit more refining, as I am use to drawing by hand, even if it was tracing something else that I saw online.
Who knows, I may end up doing both jewellery and art prints. I just wish something would come up now, so that I could possibly pay to maybe get these ideas off the ground at all.
I can’t believe we are now in MAY! Everything is now moving so quickly, I don’t think that I am able to keep up with it at times, especially with so much that I have to do before Reuban and I move.
So, quick update on that regard, since I feel I didn’t quite cover it in the last post.
Reuban and I are checking out a few banks, on which will have the best offers for us to be able to get a house. And also, we have sorted through our belongings and are slowly getting rid of things we don’t want or need.
It’s certainly feeling very real now, and I can’t just put one emotion to it.
Am I excited? Yes. I am looking forward to this new adventure. Somewhere new, and not so busy will certainly be a nice change, as well as meeting new people.
Am I nervous? Oh, hell yes! I’m going out of my comfort zone into the unknown and being so use to what life in Auckland is, it will be something I will likely be nervous for, for a while. But I will no doubt get passed it and adapt.
There is just so much to do and have done in time, least for me it feels. Being a student, working, trying to pack for the move AND get my licence at the same time.
I might have to end this post now, since even thinking on all of this makes me feel ill. Onto one thing at a time, might just help…. who knows?
This time however, it is going to show my opinions and thoughts about going through with moving out of a big city to a whole new location.
First off, I shall introduce myself for everyone.
Hi, my name is Darlene. I am a Taurus who loves reading, writing… wait. No, this isn’t AA, or some dating website (ew).
But seriously, I’m Darlene, I am currently working in retail, as well as studying as a post-graduate student at AUT in Auckland City, New Zealand. I won’t say my age (because why should I?) but I am at a point in my life where the need for something and somewhere new is a much wanted life-goal and necessity.
This is me, with my partner. His name is Reuban, and he will make some appearances in my future posts from time-to-time. He is also currently a sales rep for a company that sells all things related to the maintenance of cars. (don’t want to say the name just yet, in case)
We have been together for almost seven years now, and this is the first big adventure that we have done together (so far…) It is he, that got me to start this blog in particular, so that I can document what we go through, what I think about what he is telling me, or what and where he hopes to see us going. But, since I am wanting to be the writer, he said I should do all this, instead of him. (Not really, but that’s the gist of it… I think)
NB: I am still working on how I want this blog to look, so bare with me. There will be a number of possible changes over the next couple of days, which will likely just be cosmetic to how I want the whole page to look and flow.
We also have a dog, her name is Mixie. She is a nine(ish) year old Foxie-Whippet cross and is just… well, she’s the first dog that I have had that is indirectly mine – long story, but, she was found by Reuban and his mum and Reuban just took her in and has just.. been there ever since. ‘The foundling’ is what she is called from time to time.
So, I think that is all the initial introductions out of the way, and I am not sure what else there is to add…
If someone has a question at all, about anything, just leave me (or Reuban for that matter) a comment below. I will do my best to post something at least once a week, but … I do have a tendency of leaving my blogs for weeks, or months at a time without posting, but I will try my best.