Finding Motivation to write… ANYTHING

Another long gap, and though a few changes have come about, I just wasn’t feeling the motivation to be able to put them down into writing.

Sadly, I wasn’t finding any motivation to write anything, even with my studies, review blog, or video making. I’ve just been either trying to relax after tasks I set myself, both at work and at home and just hadn’t found anything to write or talk about really.

However, saying this now, I am currently in the process of writing a review of a book I am currently reading, and am finding it a good read so far. I just wish I had a bit more motivation to get back into it properly, both with reviews and study.

Maybe I will see something and just get a sudden burst and words will just pour out like a waterfall. Heres hoping. Anyway, just a short vent today, nothing too big. Just wanted to try and put my thoughts into words I guess.

Latest News – So Proud…

It’s rather ironic, from what I wrote in the last post here. Keeping my fingers crossed certainly paid off for work. As of this moment, I have been working at a local service/petrol station as their new forecourt person.

With this position, even with it being only part-time is great. I am able to meet new people, some from within Gisborne township, some who live in the outer areas – like Reuban and I, or further – and even visitors and tourists coming into the area.

Almost all the people I have spoken to have been lovely. Willing to chat, or even just to say hello and how their day is going. There may be the odd one or two that do not, but nothing I can do to change that, really.

Even more recently that I am proud of that I have accomplished since moving to Gisborne. I got my driving licence!

Admittedly, it is my restricted, but it is a step closer to getting my full one. I have been on my learners for so long, and had done the test before, I felt so worried that I might not get it.

But even with all that I did during the test, parroting the tester, talking to myself about what I saw on the road, I made only one critical error. And that was watching my speed. Thankfully I didn’t get anywhere near 60km/hr, as that would have been an instant fail, again.

Even the new licence had only just arrived this morning, I still cannot quite believe that I got it. I almost cried when the tester said I had passed. I was in a bit of a daze when he said that for a while afterwards.

The one part that I feel like I have not accomplished as well as I had hoped, was the work in regards to my studies. With the new amount of things to do at home and at work, I have not had a chance to get into writing more for my thesis, and have even applied for it to be put on hold for a few months, least until I can find a good routine with work, life and study.

Well, there is the latest updates from here, I do hope to write more soon, least when the time comes to write about them. Until next time readers. x

Rolling in the New Year

Here we are, already halfway through January and I already feel that this new year will bring with it new chances.

Already, I am keeping my fingers crossed that some work will be coming my way soon, as well as possibly some small work on our property to make it more appealing to future visitors.

Even my studies are coming along rather nicely, though at times I don’t feel I will get any of it done by the deadline, especially if I end up with paid work.

I am even getting into making videos and posting them onto YouTube, and I hope to get into doing more, especially if I am not in the videos, which is what I am currently doing.

Hopefully I will keep up to-date with this blog as well, and talk of what big changes are happening here. Hence why there hasn’t been much posting happening, nothing big has quite happened of late, so I would just end up repeating myself in each post.

The only thing that is new to deal with – least for me, personally – is the heat. Oh, my gosh, the heat! There have been days over this summer where it was so hot that doing nothing felt normal. The hottest it has gotten so far, has been close to the mid-thirties. Though I had encountered temperatures like this before, it did not feel the same as before.

If anything, it felt crisper, dryer than what I was use to. Even just sitting outside for a few minutes I felt like I was cooking myself.

Hopefully with time, I will get use to it and even get a bit of a tan while I’m at it.

What to write about?

I’m not quite sure what to actually write about here, as I feel as if some of my more recent posts have been a rant on how I’m still looking for work, or no-one is hiring in the fields that I know about, and so on.

Sad thing is, that is really only the big ‘things’ that I find that would be writable in a sense. And at times, I just get frustrated more so at myself for it. I do want to have work – preferably outside of home, but if there is nothing going that I know I would be able to do… what else can I do?

It just feels like a never ending loop and at times I get in such a downward rut, I honestly don’t want to do anything else except just curl up under the bedsheets and wait for them to just swallow me up.

And then when I think that way, it makes me feel even more upset, and just giving up on everything. I try to feel strong. I try to appear confident. But at times… I just feel like I’m back to that shy, quiet five year old I was when I started school.

Onto something a bit more pleasant now, just to attempt to end this post on a better note than when it started.

Finally, FINALLY got into doing some actual research for my thesis study. It’s funny, to most, it would just seem like I’m trolling sites like Tumblr, but it is all part of the research.

If I hadn’t written about it before, I am studying to gain my Masters in Communication Studies and the area is in Popular Culture. Currently, I am in the process of writing it up, as well as looking for the items to be my analysis on the research.

What I am looking into specifically is on the use of GIF images by a group of fans of a television show. The show: Supernatural.

The Supernatural opening logo from Season 9
The Supernatural opening logo from Season 9

I am sure to some degree, everyone has heard of the show. But if not, here is a quick rundown – Two brothers driving around the continental US, hunting, fighting, and killing all the things that go bump in the night – the shows most famous quote is “Saving people, hunting things. The family business” which appears to show the signs of true fans of the show.

Ironically, when I first thought of studying this area, I was curious as to if there was a GIF image for everything in the Supernatural fandom. I kept seeing posts saying this on Facebook, Twitter, and even Instagram and I was wondering on if it is true. And so far, I have not been disappointed in what I have found.

Each GIF is relatable to what it has been posted to, and for most, they always seem to get a giggle out of me. Especially now that I have binged on the first nine seasons of the show and will get into season 10 some time tomorrow – thank you NETFLIX!

I would start on it now, but it is nearly half past 10 at night, and it has been a long, long day here. It will be one of the first things that I will be doing tomorrow once I am fully awake, and got the housework that needs doing done.

I think I might end it there for the night, I just needed a place to vent, especially on the first part of this post as it felt like it was slowly digging away at me and I would’ve ended up snapping – or crying to someone for no apparent reason. No worries now though. Least for the rest of the night, anyway.

I feel like I might loose it

Already now, it is now just two months away from the New Year, and I am feeling annoyed and frustrated at myself. I had this plan for how I saw myself by this point, but it just has not come to be as of yet.

I had hoped to have been working, even part time a few days a week by now, but still nothing has come up to where I have gotten a yes, we will take you on. Even for a 90 day trial period!

Some days I feel like I could cry into my research books, but then I remember there is other stuff that needs to be getting onto… Is that bad?

Am I doing, or saying something wrong on my applications, or in my interviews when I get them? I don’t know. At times I wish the responses gave some critical feedback on what to possibly say for future reference, instead of the “Sorry… Good luck in your future job hunting..” blah.

However, I am doing other things from home, apart from house-work and studying. Least to keep me sane for a time. I am thinking of making necklaces, possibly custom ones if anyone were to ask for them.

At the moment, I have a few almost ready, just needing a few final touches before I post them online, most likely on my ETSY account. Once I have them too my satisfaction, I will no doubt write about them on here, the steps on how I made them, how they look, and if they are liked by people.

I have seen a few necklaces like these before, and I was rather curious as to how they were made. Once I spotted a few of the items online, I thought that I’d give it a go. And it was rather soothing. Reading, and cross-stitch have normally been my go to for that, but with these necklaces in particular, I was surprised at how calmed I felt when they were all pieced together.

The ideas from my previous post, on doing drawings and getting them printed is still in the process, it just needs a bit more refining, as I am use to drawing by hand, even if it was tracing something else that I saw online.

Who knows, I may end up doing both jewellery and art prints. I just wish something would come up now, so that I could possibly pay to maybe get these ideas off the ground at all.

Brainstorming ideas for working at home

Since it has been just on four months since moving to Gisborne, and I haven’t been able to find a paid job, I’ve been contemplating on doing some designs for print and selling them online.

I have seen a few small companies start off like this, I even know of a few friends/acquaintances that do this in their spare time, or just as a creative outlet. I think I can draw okay, even on digital paper/computer, but I’m not sure on if I could get it going the way I would like to.

I have had a few ideas going on what I could go and do, but they all lead back to me finding paid work, so that I could go and buy said stuff to get it started. Such ideas were candle making, sewing clothes – both adult and child (maybe) but the design part of it was always going to be a part of it.

I have done a few sketches on an app on my laptop called Bamboo Paper, and they seem alright, even if they are only black and white. I have added colour to some, but might need to have someone do a look over, someone I don’t know that can give an honest, unbiased opinion on what I have done so far.

Here are some images that I did that I feel rather proud of. We are All Stars o_7e5168a0555a158d_003 o_7e5168a0555a158d_006

I have always enjoyed drawing/doodling, it’s the one thing I always do when I’m bored and have a pen/pencil in my hand. And if there was a way to even make a little money on the side, which doesn’t interfere with future work possibilities, family commitments, study or anything else would just be awesome.

How is it going? Let me start…

Well, we have hit the four month mark of living down here in Gisborne, and I will say that the change in location has been one for the memory banks. In both good and bad ways, of course.

Reuban and I have been home owners for 3 of the four months, and we still can’t get over it some nights. “This. Is. OURS!! We can do whatever we like with the house; and no one can tell us we can’t.” This comes up on nights when the TV is off and we’re either reading or gaming/writing on our computers and the house is… silent.

The only sounds we get are the neighbours sheep, pigs, and dogs, a few trucks, cars, and tractors driving past, and… that’s it. I can say that I do NOT miss the thrum of noise from the big smoke. AT ALL!!! Even if we were not on the main road, we still heard it from a few streets away back in Auckland. I would not be surprised if I could not fall asleep if and when I go back for a visit.

I can also say, with a bit of pride, my driving confidence has grown substantially in this time as well. Since Reuban is at work during the week, if there was something that was needed in town, and he was unable to go get it after work, or during a lunch break, I went and got it. The drive in is not that long, thankfully – about 15 to 20 minutes depending, and I have slowly but surely gotten to know the layout of the township of Gisborne.

If I could, I would take a video of my drive, but haven’t gotten around to that yet. And the people. My gosh, the people are just the nicest bunch I have ever met. So helpful, it is so nice to see. Not that I’m knocking the people I know back in Auckland, but I’ve had perfect strangers just smile, nod, and wave as I’ve walked/driven past. I never got much of that in Auckland, or at least the CBD.

Sadly though, I am still looking for some work, but I keep looking for ones that I know I could do. I just email my CV through and hope for the best. I will say that I am getting a few phone calls and email responses for a few, and not just the regular ‘generic’ response of “We have received your email, … , we will get in touch… blah blah…” but actual ‘human sounding/reading’ emails. I was shocked with some of the first few. I even got a posted letter response for one! What?!

Okay, I didn’t get the job, but a posted letter back. With a signature no less!! That was a BIG surprise, and I was not at all upset that I had missed out on a job. The fact that someone took the type to write this letter, sign it and POST it to me is just. Wow. I have NEVER seen that happen. EVER!! Something will come up, I’m sure. Just keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed and thinking positive is all I can do really.

And finally, slowly but surely, the house is feeling more like a home now. We’ve gotten almost all the photos up on the walls now. We even got a second bed just last week into one of the spare rooms, so now it doesn’t echo in there so much (haha). Only second-hand, but it does the job well.

Well, that’s all for now. I better go and get this dinner started before I loose all motivation on being productive. Until next time, keep smiling.

We are Home Owners!!

I know, it has been a while. A lot has happened since the last post, all pretty good news on all fronts.

So, first off… We are now living in a house, that we OFFICIALLY OWN ON PAPER!!!

I think one reason as to why I haven’t posted lately is the fact that it still feels so surreal. Both Reuban and I still can’t get over the feeling of it. Especially since it is just us, and the dog living in the house. Some nights we don’t even have any screens going – laptop, computer, television, phones – we just sit on the couch and read. Admiring on how peaceful it is, especially since we aren’t right in the centre of town.

Mind, it wasn’t all smooth sailing to get the place, which I will save for another post, regarding the ins-and-outs of first home buying in New Zealand.

And second, I am now officially into my studies for a Master’s in Communication Studies and Popular Culture!! Now this is what I am really looking forward to, as it covers a topic that I am rather interested in – fan culture.

Being a part of many fandoms, I can’t wait to look into this area, especially since it is – least to me – an area of research that has not been looked at in greater detail. What I am going to research is the use of GIFs as a means of communicating. And the images I am looking at specifically are from the television show Supernatural.

Even though I don’t know how to write the thesis, I am really going to enjoy working on this, as it gives me an excuse to watch the show on a binge. (hehe)

Where are we now?

I can’t believe we are now in MAY! Everything is now moving so quickly, I don’t think that I am able to keep up with it at times, especially with so much that I have to do before Reuban and I move.

So, quick update on that regard, since I feel I didn’t quite cover it in the last post.

Reuban and I are checking out a few banks, on which will have the best offers for us to be able to get a house. And also, we have sorted through our belongings and are slowly getting rid of things we don’t want or need.

It’s certainly feeling very real now, and I can’t just put one emotion to it.

Am I excited? Yes. I am looking forward to this new adventure. Somewhere new, and not so busy will certainly be a nice change, as well as meeting new people.

Am I nervous? Oh, hell yes! I’m going out of my comfort zone into the unknown and being so use to what life in Auckland is, it will be something I will likely be nervous for, for a while. But I will no doubt get passed it and adapt.

There is just so much to do and have done in time, least for me it feels. Being a student, working, trying to pack for the move AND get my licence at the same time.

Can't breathe

I might have to end this post now, since even thinking on all of this makes me feel ill. Onto one thing at a time, might just help…. who knows?

Freaking out here!!!

I’ll admit, at times I have to go back and look at something again before I notice that I just blurt out random thoughts. Much like writing this blog.

I almost actually have to write things down (by hand… urgh. Sore wrist), sort through them, and then actually put them into comprehensive words  that make sense.

Like my previous blog. Though I may have made it sound like Reuban was getting me to write down what it is we’re doing – our thoughts, processes and what have, it wasn’t that at all. I want to be a writer. I love writing. And it was this way that he thought that I could be able to do this, and even go and get my name out into the blog-sphere (if that’s what it’s called).

Even when I’m writing essays for assignments, I can go back, change a word, a sentence, to make it flow better. With blogging, though I can edit it once it has been posted, it doesn’t seem to flow as well.

Hence why it does take me a while to follow up with another post.

But anyway, plans are still on the go path. I am (very) slowly, starting to sort through my junk (polite word use) and sorting through what it is that I want to take when we find a place to move.

And I’ll admit, I have accumulated A LOT of … “Junk”. Though I might not be ruthless enough at times, I am trying to be. A long weekend is coming up – ANZAC Day in New Zealand, and I would be working on this a lot more, if I didn’t have a crucial 4000 word assignment to have done.

I also have to work on the public holiday, which is good. More $$ for me!! Yet, I can’t help but also think that I lose a day of other productive work, whether it be sorting, or writing my assignment. I can’t win. And I freak the *bleep* out over it at times.

Believe me, I am nowhere near ready to move out of home at this very moment, but I do try to do something major every day. Like today. I came into Uni so that I don’t end up distracting myself with TV shows and reading so that I can work on my assignment – doing well considering I’m writing on my blog (haha).

At least I am trying, right?

Do, or Do not Urgh, yeah. Thanks Yoda. Now that just makes it worse. (Shut up, Yoda)

Academic reading is just so long at times. If it’s on something that you have no fancy over, you’d just end up looking to something else.

Though, with my topic at this moment, I am enjoying it. Heck, I’m doing a class specifically ON what it is I am writing for the 4000 word assignment!! It’s just so hard to try and find sources that can be of a great help in the area of research.

Well, better get back into it. Only another 3000 words to go… Yay!!