Bit of a crazy week

Trying to find routine when there is no possible way of having a ‘normal, set’ work week, is hard. I don’t know what to do at times.

There have been days recently when I just want to have a day to myself, just “chill the EFF out”, but I can’t. Least not properly. There is always tasks that needs to be done, either around the house, in town. Whatever. Cleaning, cooking, gardening, and yet if I had more than maybe one day off, I would enjoy being able to do all of that, especially on a lovely, sunny day like today. But not right now, it just seems more of a chore, than anything else.

And the worst thing about it, I procrastinate something terrible. I’ll admit that. Finding something menial to do instead of the real task, least for a while.

I’d love to go back to having just a regular routine, with normal hours where I can go out, meet people, make friends, and at least seem like the social butterfly I portray at work currently. But… trying to find the right job that can allow for that now, is not possible.

I keep looking, and asking, though I try not to get my hopes up too high, least for now. I’d love to get into doing this – writing, for a job. But there is not really anything like that around for the moment.

Well, not sure on what else to say, except that it has been an all-over the place sort of day, and then back to the grindstone tomorrow. Least the work day is a short one, and I get the afternoon to potter around the house and garden.

Till next time.

~ Darlene

Finding Motivation to write… ANYTHING

Another long gap, and though a few changes have come about, I just wasn’t feeling the motivation to be able to put them down into writing.

Sadly, I wasn’t finding any motivation to write anything, even with my studies, review blog, or video making. I’ve just been either trying to relax after tasks I set myself, both at work and at home and just hadn’t found anything to write or talk about really.

However, saying this now, I am currently in the process of writing a review of a book I am currently reading, and am finding it a good read so far. I just wish I had a bit more motivation to get back into it properly, both with reviews and study.

Maybe I will see something and just get a sudden burst and words will just pour out like a waterfall. Heres hoping. Anyway, just a short vent today, nothing too big. Just wanted to try and put my thoughts into words I guess.

Rolling in the New Year

Here we are, already halfway through January and I already feel that this new year will bring with it new chances.

Already, I am keeping my fingers crossed that some work will be coming my way soon, as well as possibly some small work on our property to make it more appealing to future visitors.

Even my studies are coming along rather nicely, though at times I don’t feel I will get any of it done by the deadline, especially if I end up with paid work.

I am even getting into making videos and posting them onto YouTube, and I hope to get into doing more, especially if I am not in the videos, which is what I am currently doing.

Hopefully I will keep up to-date with this blog as well, and talk of what big changes are happening here. Hence why there hasn’t been much posting happening, nothing big has quite happened of late, so I would just end up repeating myself in each post.

The only thing that is new to deal with – least for me, personally – is the heat. Oh, my gosh, the heat! There have been days over this summer where it was so hot that doing nothing felt normal. The hottest it has gotten so far, has been close to the mid-thirties. Though I had encountered temperatures like this before, it did not feel the same as before.

If anything, it felt crisper, dryer than what I was use to. Even just sitting outside for a few minutes I felt like I was cooking myself.

Hopefully with time, I will get use to it and even get a bit of a tan while I’m at it.

Home life. Cooking, cleaning, etc.

It is amazing on what can be done in just one day, given the way the day now seems to go by so fast. The amount of tasks that I try to set myself most days may be a bit much; such as washing, cleaning, cooking, and even meal prepping, but once I get started, I just keep going.

Today for example, I hope to get some deep cleaning done in the kitchen, as some previous visitors have left quite a mess on the surfaces. *cough*flies*cough* And then, once I start, I find them all over the house, and want to do the entire place, floor to ceiling.

And do I find it all annoying? The tasks of housework and maintaining a home?

Surprisingly, … No. I’m actually finding relief in it. Since I am still unable to find paid work to go out and do – least for the moment, I just get stuck into keeping the house as tidy and as clean as I can.

Least the only pest we get inside now are flies, what with the heat some days with the New Zealand summer slowly approaching. When we first moved in, there was a massive swarm of wasps in the lounge. Yes. Wasps!

Though thankfully, they were all a bit dozed when we found them, as it was in the middle of the Winter season. So, all we did was douse the buggers with fly spray – even though it wouldn’t likely kill them outright, and them swepped them up and took them outside. I despise wasps with a passion, it gave me the shivers when I took them away. Still does just at the thought.

They still appear outside, as we live in an area full of orchards – rotten fruit seems to attract them in, but I keep well away from them and try my best to keep them outside.

Can anyone tell me what they are called?
Can anyone tell me what they are called?

The image above is as close to how they looked when I see them, if anyone is able to tell me what they are would be great. Just in the case of getting stung by them and I could be allergic.

Going back to a previous thought, I also find relief in cooking. Getting the meals sorted for dinner, or even lunches is almost therapeutic. Guess it must be a part of me, as my Poppa use to do a lot of catering for local events back in Auckland, as well as at the old family home some nights.

And his skills have been passed down, through his daughters (my mum and her sisters) and to the following generation. At times, it makes me feel close to him, in a way I wish I had tried to do more so when he was alive.

Time to get back into it all, I guess. I’ve blabbered on long enough with this post, I think. I might even do a post on what I’m cooking for tonight, when I get the chance.

What to write about?

I’m not quite sure what to actually write about here, as I feel as if some of my more recent posts have been a rant on how I’m still looking for work, or no-one is hiring in the fields that I know about, and so on.

Sad thing is, that is really only the big ‘things’ that I find that would be writable in a sense. And at times, I just get frustrated more so at myself for it. I do want to have work – preferably outside of home, but if there is nothing going that I know I would be able to do… what else can I do?

It just feels like a never ending loop and at times I get in such a downward rut, I honestly don’t want to do anything else except just curl up under the bedsheets and wait for them to just swallow me up.

And then when I think that way, it makes me feel even more upset, and just giving up on everything. I try to feel strong. I try to appear confident. But at times… I just feel like I’m back to that shy, quiet five year old I was when I started school.

Onto something a bit more pleasant now, just to attempt to end this post on a better note than when it started.

Finally, FINALLY got into doing some actual research for my thesis study. It’s funny, to most, it would just seem like I’m trolling sites like Tumblr, but it is all part of the research.

If I hadn’t written about it before, I am studying to gain my Masters in Communication Studies and the area is in Popular Culture. Currently, I am in the process of writing it up, as well as looking for the items to be my analysis on the research.

What I am looking into specifically is on the use of GIF images by a group of fans of a television show. The show: Supernatural.

The Supernatural opening logo from Season 9
The Supernatural opening logo from Season 9

I am sure to some degree, everyone has heard of the show. But if not, here is a quick rundown – Two brothers driving around the continental US, hunting, fighting, and killing all the things that go bump in the night – the shows most famous quote is “Saving people, hunting things. The family business” which appears to show the signs of true fans of the show.

Ironically, when I first thought of studying this area, I was curious as to if there was a GIF image for everything in the Supernatural fandom. I kept seeing posts saying this on Facebook, Twitter, and even Instagram and I was wondering on if it is true. And so far, I have not been disappointed in what I have found.

Each GIF is relatable to what it has been posted to, and for most, they always seem to get a giggle out of me. Especially now that I have binged on the first nine seasons of the show and will get into season 10 some time tomorrow – thank you NETFLIX!

I would start on it now, but it is nearly half past 10 at night, and it has been a long, long day here. It will be one of the first things that I will be doing tomorrow once I am fully awake, and got the housework that needs doing done.

I think I might end it there for the night, I just needed a place to vent, especially on the first part of this post as it felt like it was slowly digging away at me and I would’ve ended up snapping – or crying to someone for no apparent reason. No worries now though. Least for the rest of the night, anyway.

I feel like I might loose it

Already now, it is now just two months away from the New Year, and I am feeling annoyed and frustrated at myself. I had this plan for how I saw myself by this point, but it just has not come to be as of yet.

I had hoped to have been working, even part time a few days a week by now, but still nothing has come up to where I have gotten a yes, we will take you on. Even for a 90 day trial period!

Some days I feel like I could cry into my research books, but then I remember there is other stuff that needs to be getting onto… Is that bad?

Am I doing, or saying something wrong on my applications, or in my interviews when I get them? I don’t know. At times I wish the responses gave some critical feedback on what to possibly say for future reference, instead of the “Sorry… Good luck in your future job hunting..” blah.

However, I am doing other things from home, apart from house-work and studying. Least to keep me sane for a time. I am thinking of making necklaces, possibly custom ones if anyone were to ask for them.

At the moment, I have a few almost ready, just needing a few final touches before I post them online, most likely on my ETSY account. Once I have them too my satisfaction, I will no doubt write about them on here, the steps on how I made them, how they look, and if they are liked by people.

I have seen a few necklaces like these before, and I was rather curious as to how they were made. Once I spotted a few of the items online, I thought that I’d give it a go. And it was rather soothing. Reading, and cross-stitch have normally been my go to for that, but with these necklaces in particular, I was surprised at how calmed I felt when they were all pieced together.

The ideas from my previous post, on doing drawings and getting them printed is still in the process, it just needs a bit more refining, as I am use to drawing by hand, even if it was tracing something else that I saw online.

Who knows, I may end up doing both jewellery and art prints. I just wish something would come up now, so that I could possibly pay to maybe get these ideas off the ground at all.

Brainstorming ideas for working at home

Since it has been just on four months since moving to Gisborne, and I haven’t been able to find a paid job, I’ve been contemplating on doing some designs for print and selling them online.

I have seen a few small companies start off like this, I even know of a few friends/acquaintances that do this in their spare time, or just as a creative outlet. I think I can draw okay, even on digital paper/computer, but I’m not sure on if I could get it going the way I would like to.

I have had a few ideas going on what I could go and do, but they all lead back to me finding paid work, so that I could go and buy said stuff to get it started. Such ideas were candle making, sewing clothes – both adult and child (maybe) but the design part of it was always going to be a part of it.

I have done a few sketches on an app on my laptop called Bamboo Paper, and they seem alright, even if they are only black and white. I have added colour to some, but might need to have someone do a look over, someone I don’t know that can give an honest, unbiased opinion on what I have done so far.

Here are some images that I did that I feel rather proud of. We are All Stars o_7e5168a0555a158d_003 o_7e5168a0555a158d_006

I have always enjoyed drawing/doodling, it’s the one thing I always do when I’m bored and have a pen/pencil in my hand. And if there was a way to even make a little money on the side, which doesn’t interfere with future work possibilities, family commitments, study or anything else would just be awesome.

We are Home Owners!!

I know, it has been a while. A lot has happened since the last post, all pretty good news on all fronts.

So, first off… We are now living in a house, that we OFFICIALLY OWN ON PAPER!!!

I think one reason as to why I haven’t posted lately is the fact that it still feels so surreal. Both Reuban and I still can’t get over the feeling of it. Especially since it is just us, and the dog living in the house. Some nights we don’t even have any screens going – laptop, computer, television, phones – we just sit on the couch and read. Admiring on how peaceful it is, especially since we aren’t right in the centre of town.

Mind, it wasn’t all smooth sailing to get the place, which I will save for another post, regarding the ins-and-outs of first home buying in New Zealand.

And second, I am now officially into my studies for a Master’s in Communication Studies and Popular Culture!! Now this is what I am really looking forward to, as it covers a topic that I am rather interested in – fan culture.

Being a part of many fandoms, I can’t wait to look into this area, especially since it is – least to me – an area of research that has not been looked at in greater detail. What I am going to research is the use of GIFs as a means of communicating. And the images I am looking at specifically are from the television show Supernatural.

Even though I don’t know how to write the thesis, I am really going to enjoy working on this, as it gives me an excuse to watch the show on a binge. (hehe)

Latest news, and possibilities

Well, it has finally happened. It took a while, and a lot to go and understand (on my half) but….

WE ARE (almost) HOMEOWNERS!!!!!

When I say almost, we have gone unconditional, but are still needing to sign off on a few more documents before mortgage payments start. It has certainly been a busy time, going from the big smoke – like Auckland, to a small town like Gisborne.

It has been very exciting, even having to wait for all our stuff to arrive was actually nice. No TV, no Internet (only relying on data on our phones) no landline or other ‘necessities’; such as a fridge, freezer or washer.

But now, we have all of those… well, not currently the washer – wasn’t doing its job, so is getting fixed (hopefully). Anyway, we have them all and are getting use to it all.

I even have a job interview tomorrow, which is going to be interesting. The first of many that I have applied for, or even just handed my CV into them. I will no doubt keep up-to-date on this regard.

I do wish I had gotten a response from something where I can get into writing for a newspaper, but nothing of the sort yet. Can only keep trying and hoping. I’m not even sure on what is going on with my marks for study at the moment. Fingers crossed, right.

It still doesn’t feel real. I don’t know why, but sitting here, in OUR lounge, it makes my heart do somersaults, and I could honestly cry. I’d be putting our photos up, but I’m wanting to work together with Reuban so as to get them all in the right places.

I may put photos up at a later date, to show the process of each room, but for now, I’ll sort photos out on the floor, keep the house tidy and keep sending my CV out into the world.

Until next time. Hopefully not such a big break in between again.

Where are we now?

I can’t believe we are now in MAY! Everything is now moving so quickly, I don’t think that I am able to keep up with it at times, especially with so much that I have to do before Reuban and I move.

So, quick update on that regard, since I feel I didn’t quite cover it in the last post.

Reuban and I are checking out a few banks, on which will have the best offers for us to be able to get a house. And also, we have sorted through our belongings and are slowly getting rid of things we don’t want or need.

It’s certainly feeling very real now, and I can’t just put one emotion to it.

Am I excited? Yes. I am looking forward to this new adventure. Somewhere new, and not so busy will certainly be a nice change, as well as meeting new people.

Am I nervous? Oh, hell yes! I’m going out of my comfort zone into the unknown and being so use to what life in Auckland is, it will be something I will likely be nervous for, for a while. But I will no doubt get passed it and adapt.

There is just so much to do and have done in time, least for me it feels. Being a student, working, trying to pack for the move AND get my licence at the same time.

Can't breathe

I might have to end this post now, since even thinking on all of this makes me feel ill. Onto one thing at a time, might just help…. who knows?